and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dick very happy bro
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize