Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
