My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize