this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
