after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
