does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
