just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
