Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
