I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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