I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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