Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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