Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
