wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
