in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
