her vagine was all disorganized.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
