There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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