I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
