his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
