if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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