someone get that fucking seahorse.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
