I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
