Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
