saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
