i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You can't special order awesome
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize