You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
