So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
ok first of all what the fuck
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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