Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
