What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
