guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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