there's paper in my vomit.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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