I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
