You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
