You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
