My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
