Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My life is pants optional.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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