Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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