I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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