I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
