At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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