Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Couch. On fire.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
