ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
