I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
