She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
