Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
