i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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