so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
