i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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