I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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