When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
