Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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