K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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