she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
