you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
