i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize