remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
