we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
