Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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