Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
