Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
