i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The feeling are messing with the penis
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
