How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
