Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
