even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Vodka?
Forever.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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