Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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