There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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