How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
