I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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