he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
