If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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