Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
