Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
