What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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