the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize