at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
