If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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