my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
