Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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