so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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